The Sum of Us

Where to begin? You meet so many wonderful characters online through blogging and twitter, it's amazing!  All seemingly like-minded souls, friendly, witty, engaging, and some very endearing.  There are days I wonder how much of our real personalities shine through in our online persona?  Yes, I know many writers set out to market themselves as their own brands, so what 'you see', -is not necessary what you would get in real life.  Does this make sense?  I hope so, stay with me on this one...

Recently, I had promised to keep two different appointments on the same evening, and subconsciously I felt a tug of conflict, as if parts of myself were at war with each other.  Let me explain why.  The first was a private event for a very special guest speaker, which I was fortunate enough to be involved with the organising of, and I also had the small bit part as the MC, oh yes, don't laugh, in a parallel universe, sometimes I do stand in front of people for a few minutes of public speaking.  Is that really me?  I don't know, -it's a very small part of me.

So, in this universe outside of my writing world, I found myself face to face with a wonderful humanitarian, -Mrs Eva Schloss, a lovely lady with a strong handshake, a survivor of the Holocaust of WWII, she is also step-sister to Anne Frank.  Eva's story is just as powerful as Anne's. It is one thing to read about a young girl who lived in those days, it is quite another experience to actually hear a survivor speak about it, in person.  Humbling doesn't quite cover it. There were tears when I heard the stories of the school children who were marched on buses never to return, there were more tears when Eva explained as a matter of fact, how families were sorted out on arrival at the death camp, and the gas showers...  Words fail me.  I bought her book but I'm not ready to read it, -for now, her own voice still resonates deep within. 

And, the second appointment of the evening? I actually went on to meet friends for cocktails, I can't explain that part, maybe it seems at odds with the first event, but if I say it was a necessary evil, perhaps even a release, I hope you understand.  This is what I mean; there are many sums that make up the total of us.  At the end of the night when I finally sat in the back of my taxi, I cried all the way home, I didn't know if I was crying for the god-awful experience that Eva had to endure, or if it was the effect of all martinis afterwards, quite frankly though I felt better, and I was extremely grateful to the discreet English Cabbie, clearly used to slightly intoxicated teary eyed females, he barely batted an eyelid, and he was awfully kind when he dropped me off at my front gates.  I could've hugged him for not judging me, but I didn't...

A/N: Eva's book is available online, please do stop by her website.  Myself, I've come to terms with my internal conflict of attending such different events on the same night, you can't be everything to everyone.  At the end of the day we are all made of different parts and it is the whole of you that matters really.  How about you?  Do you feel parts of yourself at conflict in certain situations?